It's suffocating

I'm starting to hate my own family. My dad's side with all those scandalous issues. My mom's side with all those political social protocols. Thinking back, wow! How fake I was. I literally has to bragged about me being the weirdos in the family to the stranger because literally no one in the family care about what I do. It doesn't matter if I murder someone or kill myself. Nobody actually care. I just realized why did I liked Abg Ash so much. Because he is, like, the most famous in the family. The public figure. The centre of attention. He was being asked at every gatherings. This reminds me of the fight I used to have with Kak Aida. Honestly, I don't really care at that time about the fight. I simply don't want to be at the gathering. I don't want to be the awkward one being surrounded by aunties who doesn't even care if I was there. Sorry, Kak Aida. For making you the black sheep. I was probably exhausted then. Exhausted from pretending that I'm okay not being noticed when the jealousy eat me up inside. I guess, I already hate them then. I just recently notice that hatred when those eyes staring at me and my half green hair. I remember hesitating to join the trip to the wedding. Abg Ash's wedding. I just not being honest about it and I thought I still like him when I don't actually care. And when I start talking about the news on how Ukraine-Russia began their war and how I found it out, I swear I felt like a dumbass trying to show that he know something when he don't. I just want to hide away in the car but I sit there like a dumbass, pretending that nothing happened. THAT'S how much I want the attention from my own family. But I never get it. So I guess that's the last family gathering I'll ever attend because I don't have any plan to attend anymore family gathering in future.