It's hard to tell your mind to forget when your heart can't

Dia datang lagi dalam mimpi. Aku tak tau aku yg rindukan dia atau sekadar mainan tidur. Wake up, Mira. He forgot everything about you long time ago. He promised to never let your hand go but he did it long time ago. Dia dah lama lepaskan tangan dia. Dia dah lama langgar janji dia. Why can't you just move on? Find someone else. Learn to love someone else. I thought already hate him. I thought I would be able to laugh at whatever ridiculous memories we had like it was a jokes. Why does it still suffocating whenever I remember him? Why does it still hurt? Why am I still running away from him? Mira, entah2 dia pun dah tak ingatkan kau. Entah-entah dia pun dah jumpa cinta baru. Entah-entah cinta yang dia suarakan dulu tak pernah wujud pun. Apa yang kau harap sebenarnya? Yg kisah kau akan jd mcm drama Taiwan yg ko tengok hari2? Even after 10 tahun pun, jodoh korg Masih ada? Wake up! Ada lagi org lain yg menunggu kau buka hati kau utk dia. Faiz, Ad, John? Tinggal pilih je. Kenapa kau masih pilih nak tunggu dia?

Hati, kenapa mimpi dia walaupun sekadar mainan tidur masih terlalu Indah utk aku? Sudahlah mengharap. Lepaskan dia. Dia takkan balik lagi dah. Dia dah bahagia dengan org lain. Give it up.

New Project

Dalam hidup ni, kau akan jumpa 2 jenis org yg Dalam hidup dia ada masalah; yg guna masalah dia utk Cari simpati and yg Cari solution pada masalah dia. Aku dh jumpa dua2 jenis ni

As a true Leo ♌, org2 berzodiak aku ni mmg jenis tak layan kalau nk diajak berdrama. Aku jenis yg tengok drama org pastu gelakkan bodohnya dia berdrama padahal dia yg pilih cerita dia cmtu. When you make your choice, the last thing you want is to regret it. Kenapa pilih kalau tau akan menyesal? Menyesal tu satu hal, kau buat drama Cinderella pulak depan aku. Sorry, saya tak layan emo2 ni.

Life aku ni ibarat kat tengah2, half negative half positive. Kenapa aku nak kena beratkan dacing negative aku dgn involve diri Aku dgn org2 yg negative? Yg positive ada Kan?

Bila kau bergaul dgn org2 yg positive, you'll see that you're moving forward. Kau tak pilih utk stuck at the same place forever. Benda tu yg Aku nak. And bila org bgtau Aku yg dia nak sama2 move forward, Aku org paling seronok sbb journey Aku bukan ada Aku sorg. Tak kisah la ko byk kekurangan ke apa. I want that kind of spirit.

And harini, Widhi ,kawan Aku kt Bali tu bgtau Aku yg dia dh had enough kena remehkan. Dia nk do something. Ktorg dh lama plan nk ada restoran or cafe. Bila dia sungguh2 kata nk wujudkan impian Tu, Aku apa lagi. Semangat la weh. Semoga benda ni, usaha2 ni betul2 jadi. Aku nak naikkan ramai lagi perempuan. Sampai bila nk tengok sesama perempuan hidup in miserable? Unless yg sejenis mmg x nak ubah Tu, lantak kau la Sana. Jgn kacau hidup Aku.

Peluang

 Orang selalu anggap that once we said it's okay, it will be forever okay. Without you realizing it, you have taken for granted the chances that has been given to you. Ironically, it's okay for you to do it to others but it's NOT OKAY when people do the same thing to you. Humanity! Pffts..

There are different type of person when it comes to giving chances. As for me, aku jenis yang keep bagi peluang kat orang. My chances have no end until I come to the point yg nothing can be fixed, aku dah tawar hati and aku tak harap apa-apa lagi. When that time come, I leave. No explanation, no hassle, no drama. And I hope bila aku dah palau orang tu, they would understand that I want nothing to do with them anymore. 

And then datang pulak jenis-jenis manusia ni yang tak faham-faham. Kesedapan ye sis amek kesempatan kat org? Seronok orang kesian kat ko, buat segalanya utk ko but you didn't evem lift a finger. lepastu ko menangis teresak-esak bak Cinderella sambil menyapu, ko ingat aku apa?  Kalau hidup ko menyedihkan sgt, call Bersamamu. Bukan aku. Aku buat baik, bukan buat charity. 1 jam 13 minit call, yang 1 jam tu aku nak dengar ko acah blame diri sendiri, apa motif ko? nak aku kesian la? baik balik dengan ko? "Awak nak putuskan persahabatan kita ke?" Ko pernah ke anggap aku sahabat? NO! Ko anggap aku orang yang boleh mudahkan hidup ko. Itu! Itu apa yang ko buat kat aku. Sahabat sama-sama tarik sahabat dia, bagi sama-sama berjaya. Engkau? Kau drag aku dslam masalah kau yg xde kena mengena pun dgn hidup aku. Yg aku dengan hati suci bersih, kesiankan kau. Tolong kau sampai dh mcm balaci ko buat. Yang patut menangis tu aku! Kau nak menangis buat apa? Ooops. Mesti la sedih. Sapa lagi nk settlekan masalah kau lepas ni kan?

Please la eh. Jadi manusia, hidup zaman bertamadun kan? Be like it. Kalau semua benda kau nak harapkan ehsan kesian orang, orang yang tolong kau sape nak kesian? Kesian boleh. Tapi bukan tiket utk ko manfaatkan orang tu. Hati dia Tuhan kurniakan baik bukan utk manfaat kau. 

Termenung

 Whatever happening right now buat aku berfikir. Am I being too lenient towards people? Aku bukan nak mengungkit ke apa la kan. But kalau nak take aku for granted tu, cover-cover la sikit. I can see through you. I know, that's how people behave. But still. Aku tak boleh dah nak tolerate orang cam ni. But if that's how the world works, I'm out. I'm just gonna shut myself out from the world and let them be because I know, nothing I do, how much I whine about it, things gonna be the same. 

I tried to think positive. Ignore je la dorg tu. But let's be honest, where do they get the audacity to act like nothing's happened? I can ignore them if they can ignore me too but they did not! Call me, texted me macam la kita ni bestfriend. Uhhhh... I am sorry, who are you again?

A friend tak kan treat kawan dia macam ni, let alone bestfriend. You only need me when you need something, or someone to talk. Where in the hell are you when I need someone? Ooops.. forgot. I have grown used to it that I don't need anyone to tell whenever I am in need. I just called when I need someone to rant. The rest? It's in my plate. I can handle that much. 

Let me tell you something. What I am trying to do right now is growing up. Be tough. So that I can defend myself. So that I can protect those I love from some idiotic like you who think that they can trample over us. If I'm still sitting still and still naively led by you in your game, it won't make any differences. I'm still gonna get trampled on. I will do all I can to turn the table. Make it my game with you still thinking that the game is yours and you gonna win this. Because when you lose the game, you lose it hard. So, if you think you can take me for granted and make me your puppet, forget it. That ship sails long time ago. 

I'm back!

It's been 9 years since I last posted in here. Since no one tau pasal blog ni, this gonna be my diary because like literally, nobody care for the existence of this blog. 

Sounds like an old school way to express what I feel but social media got so many unnecessary attention and I need somewhere quite to be expressive.

Throughout these 9 years, there's a lot of changes happening. Starting from me being the innocent girl to the rebellious woman. Me 9 years ago would've been so naive and trusted everyone but after a series of incidents, the present 'me' would get annoyed at simply anyone at their first 'hi'. Long story short, I already kissed the sweet, innocent me from 9 years ago goodbye. Maybe not for some of my old characters but I'll learn my lesson.

I have so much things to say but I gotta snap myself back to the reality before I get more emotional than this. So, this is it. Welcome back and prepare yourself for whatever thoughts running in my mind.